Cast of Characters
Susan: A white woman in her forties.
Loretta: Susan’s friend. Mid-forties.
Ryan: Susan’s son, 14.
Jack: Susan’s husband, 40s.
Agent: A CDC agent.
Doctor: A doctor.
Scene Suburbia.
Time A little ways in the future.
Content Warnings: Disease, Pandemic/Outbreak Conditions, Suburbia-typical microaggressions
(mild classism, racism, xenophobia), anti-vaccine mindset, pseudo-medical practices, death
Scene 1
SETTING: A suburban home kitchen. There is a table and chairs, with cabinets
and a fridge visible. AT RISE: SUSAN and LORETTA are drinking coffee, seated at the
table
SUSAN
Alice didn’t come to the PTA meeting this week. That’s the second time she’s missed a meeting.
I’m beginning to think she’s slacking.
LORETTA
Ugh- I was thinking the same thing. She can’t just move here and join our circle and then stop
coming. And this week was her week to bring refreshments too- I bet she was worried we’d all
see what a sham her baking is. I bet she uses Betty Crocker.
SUSAN
You’re right! She’s probably embarrassed because no one bought any of her cookies at the last
bake sale- imagine, not making a single dollar for your daughter’s education while the rest of us
slave away... Ridiculous.
LORETTA
What’s really ‘ridiculous’ is the fact that she’s reaping all the benefits of being a member without
contributing anything. Cheaper sports tickets, discounted dance prices for Lucy, first chance at a
table at the school holiday bazaar... Everything we work so hard for!
SUSAN
If she doesn’t show up next week, I say we propose to cut her. She doesn’t deserve everything
she’s taking from our kids when she’s not helping.
LORETTA
If you make the motion, Susan, I’ll second it. I’m just as tired as you are.
SUSAN
Then it’s settled. She gets one last chance to come to the meeting, and then she’s out. No lazy
good-fornothing’s on my PTA.
LORETTA
Speaking of lazy good-for-nothing’s, did you hear about the ‘flu’ that’s going around the high
school?
SUSAN
Flu? It’s April, there’s no flu in April. They push that silly vaccine in September, no one catches
the flu because we’re all good people and we wash our hands, and then we’re fine.
LORETTA
I know! All these kids just don’t wanna go to school. Ungrateful brats don’t understand the
opportunities we work so hard to bring them.
SUSAN
If I tried pulling that fake flu shit when I was in school? My mother would have dragged me to
class by the ears. These parents just letting their kids stay home are what’s wrong with this
country.
LORETTA
Jake thought he could pull a fast one on me, but I sent him right back to class- my kid can’t have
the flu, he takes four multivitamins a day.
SUSAN
Good on you. And thanks for warning me- Ryan hasn’t tried yet, but I’m sure he will. That boy’s
been hanging around with the wrong crowd lately- it’s why I pulled back his curfew.
LORETTA
Fourteen’s such a hard age. Why can’t kids be good, like we were? (The conversation fades out
as the scene ends)
SCENE 2
SETTING: The same kitchen, but it is dark outside now. The table is set for
dinner.
AT RISE: SUSAN and RYAN are seated at the dinner table.
RYAN
Today, six kids were missing from class! They all got sick. That’s two more than were sick
yesterday. And I heard that Mrs. Helens, the math teacher? She wasn’t at school either.
SUSAN
Hmph. I never did like her- she gave your cousin bad grades all year. Figures she’s skimping on
her teaching just because kids are playing sick.
RYAN
Mom! They’re not lying! I saw Abby yesterday- she looked awful. You can’t pretend to be that
sick.
SUSAN
You certainly can, Ryan. You just never would, because I raised you better than that. You know
that your education is important.
RYAN
But mom- a couple of my friends got sick too. Rico and Cassie. They were real sick a couple
days ago when we went to the movies, and they’ve been home ever since.
SUSAN
I really wish you hadn’t started hanging out with them-they’re bad kids, Ryan. I bet they helped
start this whole ‘flu’ story so they could stay home.
RYAN
Stop being so mean to my friends, mom! You don’t know anything about them!
SUSAN
They come from bad families, Ryan. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Cassie’s mom
stopped coming to church when she married that hippie barista, and I don’t think Rico’s father
ever worked a day in his life! You can’t hang around with people like that, honey- it’ll give you a
bad reputation.
RYAN
Cassie’s moms are nice! They made us snacks for the movie so we wouldn’t have to pay for
them there. And Mr. Hernandez is sick- he can’t work so he stays home to watch Rico’s little
siblings. They’re not bad people...
SUSAN
The man can’t work but he keeps having kids he can’t even support? That’s not a good man,
sweetie. Your father’s a good man- he works hard all day to provide for us. Anyone who’s not
doing that isn’t a real father.
RYAN
(standing up from the table) Shut up, mom! You’re so mean to my friends! This is why none of
them ever wanna come over!
SUSAN
Ryan Jacob Collins, come back here. You haven’t finished your dinner!
RYAN
(as he exits) I’m not hungry! I’m going to bed!
SUSAN
(yelling after him) You better get your homework done! And you’re grounded for the rest of the
month, young man! (she starts clearing the table, washing dishes angrily)
JACK
(from offstage) Honey, I’m home!
SUSAN
(suddenly happy) Dinner’s still in the oven, Jackie. How was work today, let me grab you a drink.
JACK
(walking in, hanging his coat and sitting down) Oh, you know. Work was work. We’ve got a big
project coming up next week- I’ll probably be staying late at the office.
SUSAN
(setting his plate in front of him) I’ll make sure your dinner’s always warm, honey. It’s the least I
can do.
JACK
(as he eats) You’re a peach, honey. Say, where’s Ryan? Out with his friends?
SUSAN
Ryan is in his room. He’s grounded for leaving the table before he finished his dinner. (her tone
of voice told JACK not to ask further)
JACK
So... honey. How was your day today?
SUSAN
Oh, you know! The usual! Called the other moms about who’s baking for the sale- some didn’t
answer so I’ll have to call again tomorrow to make sure we don’t have too many brownies and
not enough cookies. Had to look over the agenda for Thursday’s meeting... (She continues to
talk as the sound fades out)
Scene 3
SETTING: The same sitting room, there are papers strewn about the table. AT
RISE: SUSAN is sitting at the table, sound of shuffling papers and phone calls.
SUSAN
Seriously? That’s the fourth person who hasn’t picked up! The bake sale is Saturday and we
only have half the confirmations we need. (setting her phone down she groans before there is a
KNOCK at the door)
LORETTA
(from offstage) Susan? You home?
SUSAN
(walking to the door and opening it, talking all the while) Oh thank goodness! I just called your
house and no one answered and I thought you’d joined this little mutiny that Alice has to be
staging. No one’s confirmed what they’re baking for Saturday and no one will answer my calls or
emails and our meeting is in a matter of hours and I can’t have the schedules and spreadsheets
done if no one tells me what they’re making and- Loretta?
(LORETTA steps onstage, she is wrapped up tight with many layers, unwell.)
LORETTA
That’s... that’s why I’m here. I left work early- I really don’t feel so great. Jake really came down
with something and I think I might have caught it. (coughing) Overworking, you know how it is.
SUSAN
Seriously? Of course you’d be the only parent whose kid actually got sick- I’m so sorry hun. Is
he doing better? Oh- stay back- I can’t get the whole PTA sick.
LORETTA
No. No. He’s still out of school. Bad fever, coughs, chills. Everything. I’m taking him to the
doctor tomorrow. And myself too. I bet it’s those extra vaccines they told people to get last
month- just ridiculous, getting them this time of year! Just (coughs) just makes people get sick.
That’s all they do... But I can’t help you at the meeting today... I’m sorry, Susan. I want to but. It
took all my energy to get here.
SUSAN
Hmph. Fine- yea, I don’t want everyone getting sick. You’re probably right about those
vaccines- injecting people with heavy metals and diseases? What do they expect? It’s no
wonder all of them got sick first, they were calling all of us to get our kids vaccinated too. Now
look where they are. Ugh. (papers shuffling) I’m gonna take you off the list for baking. Can’t risk
you getting any of the sports boosters sick too. Do you want some tea? I can send you home
with a box from my aunt- the stuff could cure pneumonia, I’m sure it’ll kick whatever this is.
Holistic medicine beats the doctors every time, Loretta. It’s what we had as kids, and we turned
out fine. (she talks as she goes around the kitchen, checking papers and grabbing tea and
leftovers) Here. Quickest fix for a cold there is- Jake will be back to school in no time and you’ll
be good enough to help sell on Saturday- if we even have the sale at this point, ugh, can we talk
later I have to make some more phone calls.
LORETTA
(stunned by the whole ordeal, taking the tea) Yeah. Of course. (coughing) Thank you. I’ll go right
home and make some tea. Good... good luck at the meeting tonight. Hopefully. This all clears
up soon.
SUSAN
Oh, it’ll clear up! It always does. The media’s going crazy like always but by next week
everything will be fine I’m sure! Lots of love, you’ll be better in time for book club! Sending you
my thoughts and prayers.
LORETTA
Thanks Suzie. Lots of love for you too. (LORETTA exits)
SUSAN
Nevermind calling anyone else. I’ll just bake the rest myself. I have to get ready for the PTA
meeting and cook dinner so it’s ready for Jack when he gets home and pick up Ryan from
school and... (The sound fades out as SUSAN mutters to herself about all the things she needs
to get done today.)
Scene 4
SETTING: The same sitting room, night. There is an untouched plate of food on
the kitchen table. AT RISE: SUSAN is entering from outside, turning the light on as she
enters.
SUSAN
Jackie? Anybody home? (walks over to the table, looking at the plate) Oh. Right. Late nights at
the office. I thought he meant next week but. Alright. (walking to the door) Ryan? How’s the
homework coming? ... (long pause) Ryan?! Ryan! Come down here this instant. You better be
home young man, you are grounded! (the sound of a door banging upstairs, then coughing as
Ryan enters the stage.)
RYAN
H-hey mom. I don’t feel so good...
SUSAN
Oh, honey... I bet Loretta coughed in the food and got you sick too. C’mere, let me get the Neti
pot started and we’ll clear you up.
RYAN
(clearly struggling and feeling unwell) No. I didn’t eat dinner. I’ve been in bed all day. I got
finished with my homework and slept. I think it’s just. The flu that’s going around.
SUSAN
Ugh. That ‘flu’. I was just talking to Loretta- we’re sure it’s from those vaccines the school tried
to make you get last month. Something about an outbreak upstate. We knew better than to give
you anything more- we keep this house clean and don’t associate with the kind of people that
carry diseases. So we didn’t get you the vaccine. And everyone that did just brought the disease
with them.
RYAN
You think it’s the outbreak from upstate? Mom... didn’t people die from that? I haven’t heard
from my friends, do you think they’re okay?
SUSAN
No, honey- no one died. That’s just the media making things worse than they are. You know,
good friends would have at least called you to check in on you. I wish you’d see how bad they
are for you. Anyway. Here. Use this while I make some acai tea- Gwyneth Paltrow swears by it, I
got it from one of the girls at work.
RYAN
(grimacing as he pours the water into his nose) Mom, please. Can we not argue right now? I
don’t feel so good and I wanna sleep.
SUSAN
Fine, fine. But once this all blows over we’re gonna have a talk about the kinds of people you
should be spending time with. And talking back to your mother!
RYAN
Yea, yea. Sorry mom. I’m gonna go back to bed now. I’ll take the tea with me, I’m just really cold
and tired.
SUSAN
If you’re not feeling better by tomorrow I’ll call the school, but I’m sure it’ll pass as fast as it
came. Home remedies solve everything and I’ve got them all.
RYAN
(bundling up in his blanket and grabbing the tea on his way out) Love you mom. Tell dad I said
g’night when he gets home from work.
SUSAN
Of course, honey. Go drink your tea and get some rest. (RYAN exits)
SUSAN
I better clean the kitchen- Loretta might have left some cooties lying around. And-oh! Jack’s
dinner. I have to cook something new in case she breathed on the ingredients. And make sure
everyone’s been taking their multivitamins and. Goodness! There’s so much to do. Really,
people, getting sick in April? What an inconvenience.
JACK
(from offstage, tiredly) Hey honey. Sorry I’m late- half the office was out today.
SUSAN
Oh, don’t worry! I just made Ry some tea. And I’m gonna make you some soup, because I worry
Loretta might have gotten germs in the food- she ducked out sick from our PTA meeting tonight.
JACK
She’s sick too? Man, I thought the bug was just going around work. The office feels like a ghost
town so many people keep calling out.
SUSAN
Don’t tell me- they put up those vaccination fliers at your work too? Held a clinic and everything?
They’re poisoning us, Jackie.
JACK
Well- yes, they did put the fliers up at work and they had a clinic for anyone that wanted it.
Meningitis outbreaks in the state are bad, people worry.
SUSAN
That’s because people don’t take care of themselves. Enough vitamins and keeping clean and
you don’t get sick. No heavy metals needed- I’m sure whatever was in that vaccine is what’s
causing all this.
JACK
Maybe. Who knows. Either way it means the rest of us have to work three times as hard to finish
in time.
SUSAN
You should talk to your boss about that- it’s no fair that they get to take all this sick pay when
you can’t take that vacation we’ve been wanting for ages...
JACK
I would but he’s been out too- he was one of the first people to get sick. But he’ll probably be
back soon- he’s been out since last Friday
SUSAN
Oh, poor Bob. I’ll make some extra soup and you can bring it to the office for him when he gets
back. My soup fixes everything.
JACK
It sure does, honey. I’m sure he’ll love that. And I’d sure love some right now.
SUSAN
(turning back to the stove) It’s on the way, Jackie. Done in a jiffy.
Scene 5
SETTING: The same sitting room, in disarray. Tissues and blankets and glasses
and bowls scattered around. AT RISE: SUSAN is curled up in a blanket, coughing and
retching as she reads the newspaper.
SUSAN
“... Alice Lao, one of the first people to come down with this mystery illness, has been declared
dead at Marin County Hospital, the first case involving mortality. Several others have been
checked in and are in quarantine. Anyone showing the following systems should contact a
doctor immediately...”
(setting the newspaper aside with a scoff, coughing all the while) Alice, huh? Of course! She’s
the one who was hounding me for not getting Ryan vaccinated. Mystery illness! As if they don’t
know they’re the ones causing it. Hah. Medical expert shmexpert. If they can’t figure out what’s
wrong how could they possibly cure it? Vaccinate this, Dr. Wrong. (KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
Come in! It’s unlocked. But (coughs) stay back- Loretta gave me that nasty cold of hers.
AGENT
Excuse me, ma’am, are you Mrs. Collins?
SUSAN
Yep. That’s me. Mrs. Jack Collins- are you the police? Or someone from the school board?
AGENT
No, ma’am, I’m from the Centers for Disease Control. We’re checking in with all of the people
who came into contact with Patient 0, to see how you’re doing. And you’re not looking so good,
Mrs. Collins.
SUSAN
Oh, no no. It’s nothing like that- this is just a cold. You know, they keep (cough) getting stronger
because all you people keep vaccinating and making them stronger. But it’s just a cold and
nature will get me through.
AGENT
Yes, well, we do need to run some tests just to make sure- this has been declared an
emergency, after all. Do you mind if we collect some samples from everyone in the house?
SUSAN
Do I mind? Yes I mind, I’m a well-to-do citizen! You can’t just come in here asking for samples.
Where’s your court order?
AGENT
Right here, ma’am. Surgeon General’s orders, anyone who’s had contact with any confirmed
cases needs to be checked for contamination. The more cases we catch, the quicker we can
get you treated and back on your feet.
SUSAN
Well. Hmph. Fine. But you have to wait, because my husband is out. So you can’t get his
‘sample’ until he gets home. So you might as well come back later, sir.
AGENT
I can take yours now and then come back, ma’am. We want this to be as efficient and
non-intrusive as possible.
SUSAN
(baring an arm) Just get it over with and get out- I’m due for another pot of detox tea and I’d
hate to get off my schedule- I feel better every pot.
AGENT
Alright, ma’am. Thank you for your cooperation- I’ll be back later this evening to speak with your
husband.
Scene 6
SETTING: A hospital room, many bodies in beds, sounds of discomfort and
beeping monitors. AT RISE: AGENT and DOCTOR are talking in hushed tones.
AGENT
How many confirmed dead is that, Doctor? I need to make a report.
DOCTOR
Twenty seven, and there are several others in critical condition. It’s the worst outbreak I’ve ever
seen- and for it to happen here of all places.
AGENT
I see this all the time, Doc. No one ever expects it to happen to them, so when it does, they
don’t believe it. They’ll find every excuse to close their eyes and ignore it, and once it really
starts hitting them, it’s too late.
DOCTOR
Well. I hope at least with what we’ve learnt here, we can be on the lookout for it elsewhere,
right?
AGENT
We can, Doctor. But it all depends on people like her refuse to believe that something like this
could ever happen to them? It will just keep coming back. (slow fade of beeping monitors)
(END)
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