BIBI
Dating is the worst. But online dating is a literal nightmare that has definitely driven people insane. I should know, I'm here aren’t I? The only thing that makes it worse is being a fat Non Binary bisexual black person. Because then you are the perfect embodiment of minority otherness and get the quote unquote pleasure of having to worry about people using you as a fetish or checking off a box on their list.
It’s all just the fucking worst. Sorry… I guess I'll watch my language. Wouldn't want the children that are obviously going to be listening to this government recording, to get scarred or anything. Fucking stupid. Okay! I get it. Move on already. You know you really are impatient for somebody who's supposed to be listening to my story. Anyways, like I was saying sh--stuff sucks in terms of dating, so I tend to do waay more work than my skinny (Whisper) white (Regular) counterparts.
It starts from the beginning. I can't just swipe right after the first picture. I have to scroll through ev-er-y single picture and examine it with a fine tooth comb to make sure there isn't anything racist or intolerant on the walls, in the designs on the t-shirts, and what their friends are doing. You'd be shocked how many times I've found that I've been super liked by someone whose pictures heavily feature a confederate flag on their wall behind their badly angled selfies or someone who will match with me and then ask something stupid like "You're not one of them queers right?" like I don’t have my pronouns and sexuality stated in my bio. Then depending on the platform, it's checking to see what you can see in their insta previews, the songs that they listen to. Stuff like that.
And I know what you're thinking. "Why aren't you swiping on women?" to which I say, "What woman slash queer haven't I swiped on?" There really isn't one. Women are literal goddesses and as they say in that one video "I do it for the girls and the gays that's it." I've just been cursed with also being attracted to cis men and I’m apparently just no one else’s type. Which is why I'm here today. Trust me… there's only a very small part of me that even cares that cis men exist period. But you need to understand. That's why this guy stood out. He was FUCKING PERFECT! Sorry… but like seriously. It was amazing to me when I was swiping and saw his profile.
He was absolutely gorgeous obviously. Like an Adonis in vans and skinny jeans. Just beautiful. Which immediately put me on edge. Cuz looks don't always mean brains and not just listening and believing what daddy's money forces you to believe, is hard for a lot of guys. Plus we all know how Bundy got his ladies. Granted I wouldn’t be the victim of a Bundy esque killer because I’m not that type. But as I started my ritual examination, things just got better and better.
His pictures featured him at a BLM protest, wearing a nice suit while shaking hands with Obama, serving food at a soup kitchen, and as a plus there wasn't a single picture of him with a dead animal or holding an assault rifle. His bio stated things like "eat the rich" "acab" "BLM" and there wasn't a bad joke about "6 ft, cuz I guess that matters" or something about a Jim looking for his Pam or looking for a wifey whatever. So almost too perfect of a profile right? I decided to swipe right and see if he truly was too good to be true.
To my amazement, I was met with the all too familiar MATCH screen with a prompt telling me to “message him before it’s too late!” So I decided to go with my default which is a gif...jif? Whatever, you know what I’m talking about. One of those, of Rhianna waving while being a goddess, while she is in a pool. To which I got an almost immediate response of Forrest Gump waving furiously back.
From there we talked basically nonstop for days...but in tolerable amounts. Like I didn’t feel like I had to respond every 10 seconds to a message. We talked about our favorite movies and how creepy Tarantino's foot fetish is when it comes out on screen, but that we wish we could get a chance to work with him. We mused about wanting to see our favorite bands play our favorite songs in a cultivated music festival just for us. He told me how cute he thought I was...without being gross and pervy, and he was always on top of making sure he used the correct pronouns, which no cis straight man had ever done before with me. It was amazing. Things were moving a little fast but he was super nice and we were just vibing really well together and it felt right. He even started calling me his little rabbit but in French which is waaay more cute!
BIBI
Hey! How’s your day going?
JOEL
Hey! Better now that you’re finally up and we can talk some more, Mon Petit Lapin.
BIBI
Awe babe that is so cute. I love it when you call me your little rabbit.
JOEL
I love calling you my little rabbit, Mon Petit Lapin, because I love rabbits and you I love almost as much!
BIBI
You get the point. We were cute in a disgustingly gross sort of way. We were so in tune with each other that he felt comfortable enough to say those three little words after only a couple weeks of messaging back and forth. Then we decided to start officially seeing each other and becoming exclusive. We did the usual kinds of dates. Going to the movies, lunch at a bunch of different places. We even went mini golfing if you can believe it. (speaks up so as to say the next line to the electronics in the room) Well I know some of you can believe it because you were there but still. Even then hanging out wasn’t enough and we eventually we started talking on the phone every night before bed.
(Yawning) So tell me more about your dream life situation?
JOEL
Honestly I think it would be amazing to live in the pacific northwest. Somewhere like Bremerton, Washington. It’s beautiful up there, unbelievably so. It almost feels like a utopia with all the aesthetics. The mountains are luscious and expansive. It rains a lot but the art and creative scene is beautiful. PLUS, that’s where one of my favorite writers lived before he passed. His name was Harold Covington. I really enjoy his writing. Plus the ideals he had are truly inspirational and have really helped shape me into who I am today. So up there and I’d love to have a large acreage in the woods somewhere. Something that vibed with me being able to host events, but also hunt, and grow my own food. That’d be great. I think I’d probably also try to get involved with local initiatives but ultimately I think it’d be nice to not have to work to survive so that I can have time to help my community to grow and become better than it’s ever been. (Yawning)
BIBI
Wow the sounds amazing (Yawn loudly and does a big stretch)
JOEL
Mon Petite Lapin, I think it’s time for you to go to sleep.
BIBI
(Is in the middle of a yawn right before speaking this line) Noooooooo i don’t want to!
JOEL
You know how you get when you don’t get enough sleep. Plus it’s not healthy. And your health is important to me.
BIBI
(Sighs) I guess you’re right… but I don't want to be the one who hangs up first. You do it.
JOEL
No you!
BIBI
No you!
*This continues for about 10 more seconds. Should be intermixed with kissing noises. Nauseating. BIBI should be the last to speak before you hear a clicking noise indicating the JOEL has in fact taken the initiative to hang up on them.*
BIBI
(Surprised) Oh.
BIBI
I know… I know… it’s disgusting and I hated hearing it as much as my big brother assigned personal FBI agent did. Trust me. If I had known other people were ever going to hear that it never would have happened. I just kinda lost myself. Being with JOEL was amazing. It was my first real relationship with someone who respected me and I thought maybe even loved me for me. I felt like I was my ideal self when I was with him and as corny as it sounds it felt like things were finally looking up for me. Fuck was I wrong.
Finally after like 3 months of dating and going out to do things I thought we should maybe move to the next level and hang out at each other’s places. His place was apparently “under construction” because his roommates drunkenly busted a toilet and flooded the only bathroom in the house, and my roommate had their family in town to celebrate some school thing. But we had been talking about maybe staying up in his friend’s cabin by the lake for the weekend and it just seemed like the universe telling us that this was the time to do it.
It was early August and the weather was perfect. It still got pretty hot during the day which was going to make for a great lake day, and at night it cooled off enough that you could sit by a bonfire and star gaze into the early hours in comfort. I was so excited! It’d been forever since I got the chance to escape into nature and I got to do it with my favorite person. Then I found out the day before we were supposed to leave that his friends had also planned on being up there that weekend so we’d have to share the space.
JOEL
I’m sorry you’re upset. It's not something I had any knowledge of beforehand. I tried to convince them to move their plans to next weekend but they already put deposits down on atvs and some hunting gear and the guys up there are hard asses about their “no refund” policies. The place is fairly large though and we probably won't even see them because their property is huge. You’ll be fine.
BIBI
I know... it's just we had already planned on it being just us two this weekend and now I don’t know how to feel. Like I've never even met your friends. What if they hate me? I think I’m a pretty great person but that doesn’t mean I’m everyone’s cup of tea, you know?
JOEL
I’ve told them all about you, and they are super excited to finally meet the infamous Mon Petite Lapin in person. You’ve got quite a reputation honestly. I talk you up so much with them. But again we won’t be seeing them much. They’ll probably only be at the cabin tomorrow night and then head out first thing in the morning to set up their gear n stuff. It’ll be fun. This is gonna be a weekend you’ll never forget. I bet no one could top what I have planned for us!
BIBI
What do you have planned? All you’ve told me is what I should bring and not much else. Are we gonna have food? Do I need to bring a towel for the shower? What about pillows? And S’mores we gotta have stuff for s'mores!
JOEL
Mon Petit Lapin… please….chill. Everything is taken care of. You’re going to have the time of your life. Just bring what I told you and it’ll all work out. Trust me.
BIBI
(Yawns) How much longer until we get there? I feel like we are in the middle of nowhere.
JOEL
That's because we are in the middle of nowhere, Mon Petit Lapin. It’s a hunting cabin so they have to be far away from possible campers n stuff to ensure that no one accidentally Cheney’s someone. (Laughs at own joke) Anyways we’re basically there. Only like ten more minutes left and we’ll be there. You are going to love it. It's super rustic and super comfy. They have this huge fireplace and a jacuzzi.
BIBI
A JACUZZI? But I didn’t bring a swimsuit! Why didn’t you tell me that there was a jacuzzi?
JOEL
Because it was a surprise annnddd because I had assumed we wouldn’t be needing any swimsuits since we’ll be the only ones up here once the guys leave in the morning. (He pulls them into him and kisses their forehead) You’re putting too much stress on yourself. It isn’t healthy. Just relax. I’ve planned everything. Just leave it to me..
BIBI
Oh… hehe okay… I get you. Let the weekend vibes take us away. I like it.
BIBI
Damn! Need some wd40 on those hinges or something. That's a wicked screech.
JOEL
Yeah! It’s been almost a full year since anyone has been up here. Other than the cleaning lady who came up on Monday. But it’s all good! I think there’s some in the closet. And now a tour of our getaway spot. But first close your eyes for a second.
Okay open them. This is the living room kitchen area. Tada!
BIBI
Woah! You weren’t lying when you said the fireplace was huge...Is that champagne and strawberries dipped in chocolate on the counter? What the heck! That's so cute. (walks over to counter) And a little note? Awe...Oh it's in French? What does it say?
JOEL
“Mon Petit Lapin,
This is all for you. You are the guest of honor this weekend. Here’s to hoping you remember this trip for the rest of your life.
Love,
Me”
BIBI
You are just too good to me. I love you so much.
JOEL
(“Jokingly”) Awe, you do? Thanks.
BIBI
Joel! I’m serious! Thank you so much. I’ve never felt this way before. You make my heart want to burst from excitement. You blow me away! Thank you for bringing me up here this weekend. It’s already the best moment of my life! I--
(Next lines should kind of overlap themselves because of excitement and disregard.)
JARED
Dude I’m fucking serious! It was crazy. I can’t believe he even convinced her to come!
JEREMY
He’s fucking wild that's for sure. Right? Usually the prey suspect something.
JARED
He’s good at what he does but he’s definitely gotten better over the years.
JEREMY
(Finally Noticing the couple) OH SHIT!
JARED
FUCK! Hey guys.
JEREMY
Hey. Didn’t realize you were already up here.
JARED
Yeah... So sorry about the yelling. We were debating this twitch streamer for Hunt: Showdown.
JEREMY
We didn’t see your car. Did you park out front or something?
JOEL
Yeah we did. Guys this iiss (Struggling for their name, then “lovingly”)...Mon Petite Lapin. This is Jeremy and Jared. Jeremy’s pop owns the place.
JEREMY
Guilty as charged. I’ve been coming up here since I was a lad and all I could shoot was rabbits and small quarry. But now I’ve worked my way up to a bigger game.
JARED
Jeremy, Joel and I actually all became friends after meeting here. Our fathers all were in the same business and would bring us up to hang out and hunt with them since we were like seven or something.
JOEL
I was just getting ready to show them around the cabin if you don’t mind.
JEREMY
Oh Sure dude! Sorry for the interruption. We’ll get out of your hair and go pack up our ATVs for the morning.
JARED
Nice to meet you Lapin
JEREMY
Yeah! Nice to meet you. See ya later Joel!
JOEL
See ya later guys. *
SO anyways, those are my friends. This is the living room kitchen area. Out that door is the jacuzzi and deck, and back here is the master bedroom where we will be staying.
BIBI
What’s in the room?
JOEL
Oh… nothing that I know of. Probably just a bunch of boxes of junk if we’re being honest.
BIBI
(Tries to jiggle door handle) Huh… well it’s locked so no adventure there I guess.
JOEL
Yep...oh well. Anyways let’s go unpack our stuff and get settled.
BIBI
That night we played games with the guys. It was actually an okay time. Every once in a while I'd leave to use the bathroom or get a new drink and when I came back they would all be huddled around whispering to each other. Which is totally sketchy, I’ll admit. But I thought he was just asking them about what they thought of me or something. Something normal and nice. Then after a few rounds of Mafia, Jared and Jeremy headed to bed and Joel and I just stayed up drinking and talking. We talked for hours. He even told me about one of his secrets..
JOEL
I was ten and my dad had just introduced me to his friends and their kids, aka the guys. Jeremy, Jared and I got along really well. We decided to go play out back and Jared’s dad told us to bring our rifles with us just in case we come up on a bear or something. I thought it was ridiculous but I did as I was told. After we were about a mile or so away from the cabin Jeremy stopped us because he saw a rabbit not too far ahead. He then proceeded to line up a shot on a nearby downed tree and shot at the rabbit. Blood sprayed everywhere an instant later and we knew it had been a critical hit. I felt a wetness on my face while I stared in horror at the viscera contrasted against its lush green background, and I started to freak out. Thinking maybe I’d gotten hit from the spray back and was now covered in blood I started to flail around wiping at my face and body and I heard laughs coming from behind me. I whipped around to see Jared and Jeremy rolling on the ground howling and cackling at something. I glared at them until they stopped and told me that I was a baby for crying because of a stupid little rabbit dying. I went to fight them on their accusation that I had been crying but then I realized the wet I felt on my face had been my tears and not the blood of a dead animal 100 yards away. I felt so ashamed and--
BIBI
Listen--I know they were watching us. Listening to our every conversation. You are never truly alone in our society, what with social media, and smart devices, fuck--sorry--even our cellphones. Could they have known what was going to happen enough to have been recording the data between us for our entire relationship? Probably. But not once did anyone reach out and let me know what was happening? I would’ve cooperated. I would have helped get everything needed to stop him and prepped more. How can people who are supposed to serve and protect, know so much and be able to prevent something terrible from happening but do nothing? My life matters, doesn’t it? Or am I just an expendable cog in their machine? Oh right...that's privileged information. Whatever I guess. (Breath)
The next day we spent out on the edge of the lake, sunbathing and swimming. We drank a lot. He kept refilling my cup and I figured, “what the hell” right? We’re here to relax and have fun. By five though, the alcohol and direct sunshine had really taken its toll on me and I decided to lie down for a bit with a glass of water, up in the cabin. As I laid down, sleep took me over quickly and I was plunged into one of the weirdest dreams I had ever had. I don't remember a lot of it but there were these tall dark figures with abnormally long features standing over me, reaching for me but not quite making it. It was like they were so tall that it’d take days for their arms to get to me. Which you’d think would call for some sort of relief but no. it made it worse. And their voices were haunting. Low moaned gargling, muttering nonsensical things at me as if I was supposed to understand what they wanted from me. It was terrifying.
I woke up with a start and a sharp pain shot through my body. I couldn’t move and was just staring straight up at the night sky peeking through the branches of extremely tall trees. Terror took over as I started to hyperventilate and move my eyes to the furthest edges of my vision trying to figure out where I was and why I couldn't move. Then I heard it. Laughing. Someone--no a group of people were laughing deep and menacingly. It was surrounding me but I couldn't see who the owner was. And then:
JARED
(Mockingly) Oh boy. I think you hit the booze a little too hard there “little rabbit”
JOEL
(Fake Concern) You’re awake? Are you alright? I don't know what’s going. Jared, why are you guys doing this to us? Please don’t hurt m--
JEREMY
Oh you stupid stupid child. Shut up before you get what’s coming to you.
JARED
Here’s the thing. You cannot move at the moment due to the mixture of drugs that were put in your drinks throughout the day. So stop struggling. Just listen and save your energy. You’re going to need it. Trust me.(More menacing laughter) In a few hours the sun is going to rise and the drugs will have worn off. At that time I suggest you run, (pause) well...if you can (Laughs heartily). I’ll set a timer for (thinks), 30 minutes after you get up to give you a head start, but then just know, we’ll be coming for you. And personally I’ve been waiting for this all year so I’m itching to get going...and if I’m the one who gets you (pause, filled with uncomfy moaning noise) let’s just say I have got plans for you. For now, rest. We’ll see you soon.
BIBI
Then silence...I was left with my thoughts, but only for a moment before I passed out again.
JOEL
(Broken up as if part of a dream) Mon Petite Lapin...wake up...it’s time to go.
BIBI
I swear right before I woke up I heard Joel say something to me but I couldn't tell you what, and by the time I opened my eyes there was no one in sight. All I could see was trees in every direction, the sharp rocks I had been laying on, and the slight blood stain from my back being cut open by them. I ached all over, but I knew that I needed to get going. Whether this was a sick prank that they thought would be funny or if I was honestly in danger, I didn’t know, but I knew I needed to get out of there fast. The sun was already pretty high in the sky which meant i probably wasn’t going to be getting that head start I had been promised. The sun seemed to at least be hanging a little closer to the horizon on my left so I decided to head that way in hopes that it was east and that east was going to be my salvation.
At some point while I was drugged out, someone had put me into clothes and shoes befitting my trek through the woods which made me feel uneasy. Who had done the changing? At the very least I sent up a silent thank you to whomever for putting my tennis shoes on because strappy sandals would not help me out there. As I took off jogging toward the sun I realized that the forest had gone quiet. At first I thought it was because I was making some noise, as I dodged low hanging branches and large fallen trees but there had to be another reason. Then I heard it. The low gurgling noises I had heard in my dream, only this time they were more faint, and seemed to be less saying something and more just making noise to make noise.
I know it was stupid of me to stop and follow it but I knew it sounded familiar and I needed to know what was causing it. So I veered off towards what I assumed was south and made my way closer to the disturbance. The birds were back but I still felt uneasy as I inched my way towards a large downed tree in the middle of a clearing. I gasped as I saw Jared staring up at me. His gurgling now louder and more strained while blood spilled from his lips. As I got closer I noticed that his legs had been shredded to pieces, like they’d been put inside a blender, and one foot was completely missing. He looked as though he was trying to tell me something but every time he tried to take a breath his lungs would fill with even more blood. By the time I was next to him he had passed and I was left alone with the trees. I just stood there and stared hard at his mangled body. It was while I was wondering what the hell could have done that to him, that I heard the snap of a branch come from not far off behind me. I knew I needed to get going but I also knew that the last I saw him at the cabin, he was decked out in hunting gear so it only made sense to check his body to find something that might help me. Fortunately, unfortunately for me and him, I guess I only had half a body to search. From just a glance I knew someone had already relieved him of anything helpful but maybe they had missed something. I checked the inner pockets on his jacket and shirt. It took everything I had not to vomit or pass out from the smell that was emanating from his body. *Gagging noises* Finally I located a small hunting knife that had been tucked into the waist of his pants, near the small of his back. It wasn’t great but it was better than nothing.
As I stood and stepped away and exhaled for the first time in what felt like hours, I realized that yet again the woods that surrounded me had gone quiet. I tucked the knife into the waistband of my yoga pants and looked around. Suddenly a loud screech or growl echoed through the woods too close for comfort. At that I started running as fast as my body could take me in the opposite direction of that hellish sound. So many questions ran through my mind as I ran, and tried to ignore the fact that my body was in severe pain and starting to grow fatigued. (Panicked) What the fuck was that? Was it the thing that had gotten Jared? Did it also get Jeremy? Am I alone out here with some kind of horrendous beast you only read about in those creepy linguini stories on the internet? Was this really how I was going to die? *Heavy breathing*
My thoughts started to spiral and my anxiety started to kick in which led to a panic attack that overtook my already exhausted body and my legs started to falter. *Grunts and groans* I tripped and started falling down the steep decline I had overlooked during my longer than brief moment of distraction. I fell hard, first on my wrist, which snapped on impact, then my cheek made contact with a nice piece of rock that had broken off of a nearby formation, and finally I landed directly on my back as the decline leveled out again. I laid there, staring up at the trees, gasping for air as I tried to catch the breath that had been stolen from my lungs. As I glared up at the mass of branches and leaves above me I realized that it was darker now than it had been when I was last upright. It didn’t make any sense. By the logic my brain felt forced to follow, I had been falling for hours.
I blinked a couple times to try and focus my eyes and my mistake was made abundantly clear. It wasn’t that the sun had already set. It was that something huge was blocking out the sun. I slowly lifted my head and found huge legs standing over me. Too long for any creature I had ever seen, and attached to a long scraggly torso that bent in directions that should’ve been left to that of geometric shapes and nothing else. The arms were the worst part. Reaching out with hands the size of lawn chairs and long spindly claw like fingers coated in a viscous crimson liquid that dripped onto the ground around me. I could feel a scream well up inside of me, from deep in my bones, if such a thing was possible. But before anything could escape my lips a voice spoke up from behind me.
JOEL
Mon petite lapin? Is that really you? Heh (abrupt laugh) Crazy things are happening in the woods today huh? Are you okay? Well obviously not considering the fall you just had. (rest fades out and is underneath BIBI’s next lines) Here let me see your arm. Ooof. Can you stand? Let’s get you up. We are definitely going to need to set this before it gets too bad. How long have you been running? How did you find me? Did you just happen upon me by accident?
BIBI
As he helped me up and started fawning over my wounds I finally got a chance to look at where i had the misfortune of landing, and I found that it was a huge clearing filled with what I assume was weird statues carved out of a dark wood and every single one of their unnerving hands were covered in what looked like blood, a few dried and cracked, but a couple seemed fresh and was dripping onto the ground, like the one we were standing under. In the middle of the clearing was a giant marble tub and a body hung above it by a hook, draining into the smooth white surface. It was beautifully mesmerizing in a gut wrenching kind of way. I was lost in its milky crimson bath so much it took me awhile to notice the hideous camo outfit the person was wearing. I remember making a joke at his expense a couple nights earlier about how ridiculous the outfit was. Jeremy was the one hanging there. Well his torso was. The rest of him looked as though it had been ripped off by a rusty rake of some sort. That is when my scream finally decided to erupt and I started walking towards the horror.
JOEL
Hey, what's wrong? Oh, yeah... that. I really hoped you hadn't seen that.
BIBI
And then I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head before I blacked out. When I came to, I was lying in the tub of blood but I couldn't move. This time I wasn't sure if it was because I had been drugged or because my body had finally decided to crap out on me. I could however feel everything and it was intense. As I laid there in pain and unsure if drowning in blood was actually going to be the way I would go, I realized that Joel was sitting on the edge of the bath watching me with a grin on his face.
JOEL
Oh Mon petite lapin, you are a fighter, that's for damn sure. I guess I knew that when we started dating but I honestly never thought you’d make it this far. You just seemed weak willed, what with all your mental illness and whatever the fuck else. Anyways… congrats I guess. On surviving? Eh. It's kinda a shame that things ended up this way. As you can tell we had to trim the fat a lot this year but you actually surprised us. See, the elders and I have been doing this… hunt I guess, for decades. Usually it's vagrants and others of the same standing but every so often they grow hungrier for something a bit more...unique. That where people like you come in. The more you are primed, the better the hunt, and the better the rewards. We’ve discussed it and you are an absolutely exquisite specimen. If you hadn’t been my little rabbit this year, I bet the elders may’ve accepted you as a new recruit. Alas none of that matters anymore now does it?
BIBI
Ugh. I wanted to punch his smug little face for having a whole villain esque monologue about his plans but I guess it's a good thing he talked for so long because I was able to get my strength back enough to slip my hand behind my back a grab the knife that was still in the waistband of my pants. The more he monologued the closer he got and more he emphasized my defeat in some major natural cosmic blah blah blah. Soon he was kneeled next to the bath, leaning over and brushing my dirt crusted hair out of my face, like a true gentleman, and then revealed a huge intricately detailed dagger while describing to me that he was going to remove my heart so he could summon the elders himself and prove his worth. I saw that as my chance and I drove the tiny knife as far into his jugular as the hilt would allow. The shock on his face was almost comical as he clutched the knife and debated on whether he should remove it or keep it in. This allowed me enough time to use my last ounce of strength to kick my leg up into his arm, causing him to drop the dagger into the tub, and then punched the knife further with my one good arm. It was all punctuated by a satisfying gasp as his windpipe collapsed and he fell to the ground. Once again producing the low gurgling moan i had heard too many times already that day.
(Silence)
There. I told my story just like you asked me to. Every day you say share with the group and every day I am hesitant because of what my truth may mean for me and now here I am, sharing with the group and you all have nothing to say? It’s like I’m talking to myself here. That is what happened. What next?
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